


Roll For Initiative (and pray that Jack goes last)

by Hartlynk



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Bunkers and Badasses, Can you tell?, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, I'm bad at tagging stuff, Just a silly little oneshot of Jack being a little shit and annoying the crap out of Vaughn, M/M, One Shot, Rhys has some serious grovelling to do afterwards, and Yvette is barely in it because reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hartlynk/pseuds/Hartlynk
Summary: Fed up with Jack's constant attempts to pry him away from his weekly game of Bunkers and Badasses with his friends, Rhys jokingly invites him to join them...only...he actuallydoes, and the expected chaos ensues.Dedicated to the wonderful Erinchu, as a, by now, slightly belated birthday gift! It was originally going to be pure, unadulterated fluff, but then it morphed into this instead. #sorrynotsorry :P I hope you enjoy!





	

'Ok so you have to pick your character first...'

'Me. I'm playing myself.'

Vaughn tried his best not to roll his eyes at Jack's words. He'd only agreed to the CEO joining their game because of Rhys, and even then, he wasn't entirely sure if their friendship would survive it.

They normally played Bunkers and Badasses every Friday night with a few work colleagues, but everyone other than Yvette had bailed as soon as they heard that Jack would be joining them halfway through their latest session. He had been constantly messaging Rhys throughout, evidently expecting him to drop everything for a booty call, and had surprised them all when he took Rhys' challenge to join _him_ instead, seriously.

'No, I mean like your character _class_ \- you could be a rogue, a knight, a cleric, a sorcerer...'

'Ooooh, a sorcerer, I like that, it sounds _powerful_. That's like a wizard or something, right? Magic and shit?'

Vaughn shook his head and adjusted his glasses as he went into full Bunker Master mode.

'Not _quite_ , I mean they're similar archetypes, but wizards can-'

He was interrupted by Rhys who nodded at Jack and shot Vaughn a look.

'Yeah, they're basically wizards, lets move on.'

Jack grinned and rubbed his hands together eagerly.

'O-kaaay, Handsome Jack the handsome sorcerer. Oh no no no, wait, wait, how about just ' _The Handsome Sorcerer'?_ Yeah _,_ that's more like it. So can I shoot lightning from my hands and stuff? That seems like the kinda thing _The Handsome Sorcerer_ could do.'

Rhys glanced at Vaughn who shrugged.

'I...guess so, yeah? I mean you still need to roll your stats to see how-'

' _Alright_! So who can I fry with my crazy-ass lightning?'

Vaughn sighed heavily before continuing.

'Well we've just entered the dungeon after a rest stop, but we haven't seen any enemies yet so I don't think-'

'What's _that_?'

Jack interrupted again as he pointed to one of the game figures Vaughn had in a small pile at his end of the table.

'Uhh, it's a Badass Golem, I was saving it for later in the campaign so-'

'I wanna kill it.'

Vaughn hesitated for a moment before placing the piece onto the board with a laboured sigh. It appeared that his week of extensive planning and plotting wasn't going to be of any use to him at all now that Jack had joined their game. As his boss and probably the most influential and powerful man in the galaxy, he couldn't exactly deny him this relatively minor tweak in the grand scheme of things even if he _really_ didn't think it would work well narratively.

'... _uhhh_....okay, the party creeps silently through the dark and ancient dungeon, aware of every subtle sound until suddenly, a Badass Iron Golem bursts through the stone wall in front of you, blocking your path. A goliath of solid metal, it brandishes its mighty blade and prepares to strike. You have only two options, fight, or _die_.'

Jack actually giggled at that and pitched forward in his seat until he was at eye level with the miniatures on the table.

'Ohohoho, you're so freaking screwed! Okay, okay, what now? How do I kill it?'

'This is a pretty powerful enemy so you might want to be wary and act as backup to Rhys and Yvette as you're so low level right now, and you'll need to roll for initiative to see who goes first and -'

' _Lightning_! I cast lightning or fire bolts or whatever!'

Yvette rolled her eyes whilst Rhys suppressed a snigger at the completely done expression on Vaughn's face as Jack brought his meticulously planned game crashing down.

'Umm, _sure_ , just roll to attack and give me the number.'

Jack threw the dice dramatically and looked up at the Bunker Master, grinning.

'Seven!'

'That's a miss, who's next? Yvette, are you going to-'

'What do you mean it's a miss? I'm right in front of the damn thing!'

'You need to roll higher than that to hit it, Jack, that's just how it works.' Rhys said quietly, laying a comforting hand on Jack's knee, which was immediately shrugged off.

'Hmmph, fine!' Jack rolled again. ' _Fifteen!_ '

Vaughn sighed. He didn't have the heart nor constitution points to tell Jack he had to wait his turn.

' _Ohhhkaay_ , that's a hit, I'll roll for the Golem and...ten points shock damage.'

'Yes!' Jack punched the air and threw an arm around Rhys, who chuckled into his sleeve. 'Take that ya stupid goblin!'

' _Golem_ , Jack, it's a Golem, goblins are something else entir-'

'Yeah, yeah, whatever, cupcake, it's going _down_ , whatever the hell it is.'

Vaughn bit his tongue and continued on.

'The creature recoils, it's metallic skin alight with electricity. It bellows with rage and charges towards the group, preparing to attack with it's heavy spiked mace - Yvette, you're up next, what do you do?'

She pondered for a moment before placing her figure to one side. 'I move to higher ground and line up a headshot with my corrosive sniper rifle...roll a... _12?'_

'It hits, the Golem takes...15 points corrosive damage and is confused...Rhys?'

Rhys frowned in concentration for a moment as he consulted his stat sheet, then gently moved his own figure forwards.

'Umm, okay, I'm gonna stealth around it like... _so_...then I'm gonna use my corrosive weapon too, but on its _back_ which should affect its movement, right? Uhh...roll for...a nine?'

'That... _just_ hits and takes, oooh not much damage at all, three points. Sorry, bro.'

Rhys scowled and leaned back in his chair. He was hoping to have impressed Jack with his knowledge and skill at the game but judging by his boyfriend's amused chuckle, it appeared to have backfired already.

The battle continued for some time, Vaughn throwing in a few lower level creatures that were weak enough for Jack to take out in one go, which unsurprisingly boosted his ego. Now, all that remained was the Golem itself. Its health was low, but it was still a serious danger to the party.

'The creature shakes off the attack, charges at The Handsome Sorcerer and unleashes a terrifying blow!'

Vaughn rolled the dice and hesitated for a moment before looking warily up at Jack.

'It... _hits_. Combined with the residual corrosive damage you took from the skeleton warrior earlier, you are stunned and lose... _23_ points of HP.'

'Oh come _on_! I only have 15, what does that mean?'

An awkward silence fell over the group. Nobody wanted to break the news to Jack that he'd run out of health and his character was no more.

Eventually Vaughn cleared his throat and responded. 'It means you... _died_ , Jack.'

The silence returned, and Rhys noticed the warning signs of a pissed off CEO coming through; the fixed jaw and dark expression that hinted at danger to come. He usually looked like that just prior to airlocking somebody so he had to act fast if he wanted his best friend to remain amongst the living.

'...but not if one of us can revive you real quick, right guys? Anyone got a healing potion or resurrection scroll?' He glared meaningfully at his friends and Yvette nodded defeatedly.

'Yeah, I've got one. I was saving it for when we confronted the final boss, but-'

'That's perfect, thanks 'vette! If she uses that on her next roll you should be okay!'

Jack's features visibly relaxed and he leaned back casually in his chair, as if the last few moments of angst hadn't happened.

'You know what they say, you can't kill something this perfect! Thanks babe'

They continued the game as best they could after that. Jack had seen sense and let the rest of the party wear down the Golem, and most of the other monsters, only to finish them off at the last minute with his lightning attacks and claim full victory for himself. The Golem, he claimed, had been his kill and his alone. Everyone valued their careers and lives enough not to call him on it, but when he started inventing his own rules Rhys gently tried to correct him.

\----

'The dark twisting tunnel ends and you find yourself looking out across a very deep and wide chasm. There's a rope bridge ahead to the north guarded by two fierce looking orcs. Your final destination; the Fortress of Unending Torment, lies on the other side.'

Vaughn smoothed out another meticulously hand drawn map and laid the appropriate figures in place.

'Is there somewhere we could hide while we take them out from afar? I could stealth as close as I could.' said Yvette, scrutinising the carefully drawn ink boundaries of the faux parchment as Rhys put forward his own idea.

'What about the bridge, could we distract the orcs and sneak across?'

Vaughn shook his head. 'There's a scattering of rocks near the tunnel entrance here, you could _just_ about hide in amongst those but you'll need to do a stealth check to be sure. You could try to distract them but it's a risk.'

'Why worry about the stupid orcs? Just cross the damn chasm already.'

Jack picked up his figure - which he'd by now customised with a roughly drawn mask scribbled onto its face in pencil - and deposited it on the other side of the map.

'There, _easy_.'

'No, Jack, you can't just-'

'I flew across alright? I'm the goddamn _Handsome Sorcerer_ , my powers are vast and impressive. Also, I _totally_ kicked their asses when you weren't looking.'

He flicked the Orc figures over with a finger and grinned at the look of utter frustration on Vaughn's face.

'Sorcerers can't fly, it's not part of their build.'

'Why the hell not, it's all freaking imaginary magic isn't it?'

'Yes but it has rules!'

'Rules were made for breaking kiddo, that's half the fun!'

Vaughn looked ready to explode, but his fear of Jack kept his emotions in check...to a point.

'Alright then' he said after a long pause. 'Compromise. You _can_ fly across but it uses up so much magic you have to skip your next three turns.'

Jack frowned. 'Oh come _on!_ '

'Either that or you stay with the rest of the group and help us cross the bridge'

There was some quiet grumbling from the older man as he retrieved his figure and slammed it down next to the rest of the party's.

' _Fine_ , but when you get your asses handed to you on a plate don't blame me!'

The game continued on in the same vein for the next half hour, until Vaughn finally managed to reintegrate some of his original plot into the campaign. He peered over his Bunker Master screen at the group and placed the final map down in front of it.

'The underground fortress you've been heading towards looms up out of the darkness, illuminated by flaming torches which glow an eerie purple hue. The vast wooden door opens with a creak from its hinges and something powerful steps out...a huge, fire-breathing **DRAGON**!'

He slammed the fist-sized dragon figurine onto the table with a flourish, making the other figures bounce off the surface.

' _At last, I've been waiting for this moment_ ' he said, attempting a deep and imposing voice for the beast, whilst choosing to ignore the loud and disdainful snort coming from Jack's side of the table. _'Prepare to meet your **doom**!_ '

\----

Their doom took nearly an hour to conclude. Robbed of his chance at forming a decent campaign, Vaughn threw everything he had into this final confrontation. The dragon first attempted to burn them all to death, before unleashing a whole host of minions upon the party. Yvette spent several turns paralysed, thanks to a particularly suicidal spider taking out most of her health by rather unhelpfully exploding before she had a chance to take it out. Jack, and his now frankly overpowered abilities, kept himself amused by destroying a whole contingent of skeleton warriors whilst Rhys used up most of his healing abilities to keep him alive in the background. Finally, after several long rounds, and almost as many near deaths, the Dragon was nearing its end.  
  
'Ok I rolled a...vault symbol? What does that mean again?'

'Oh god' Yvette muttered under her breath, 'You've gotta be kidding me'

'You got a natural twenty...a critical hit' Vaughn breathed.

'So that's good, right?' said Jack, clearly not understanding quite how big a deal this was.

'Oh it's good.' said Rhys, laughing. 'You can pretty much decide how this ends because he's nearly dead now, so uhh, yeah, you get to inflict the final killing blow'

A calculating look grew on Jack's face as he fixed his eyes on the dragon.

'Hell yeah, I am going to fuck this guy _up_ '

He took a moment to collect his thoughts before a sinister grin took over his masked visage.

'Alright kiddos, first I'm gonna punch it in the face _so hard_ it'll _explode_ , but not before I rip its wings off and make it _eat_ them!'

'You...you can't actually do that, you're not powerful enough to make it expl-' Vaughn spluttered, as Rhys interrupted him with a resigned whisper.

'Let him have this, Vaughn, just...let him have this'

Vaughn sighed and pushed the figure forwards for its final move.

'Alright fine, the creature crawls towards the group for one final attack, but then Jack-'

' _The Handsome Sorcerer!_ '

'Uhh yeah, sorry, the 'Handsome Sorcerer' reaches out with one hand towards the beast. His terrifying form surrounded with crackling electricity and uhh...'

Jack was staring at him, eyes glittering expectantly.

'...uses his immense and awesome power to rip the umm...wings from the back of the Dragon. It bellows in pain and rage, smoke billowing from it's gaping maw whilst blood erupts from its scaly hide...'

'Ohohohohoh, that's the stuff! Ooooh, wait, can I set it on _fire_ too? It's a dragon so that'd be like the ultimate irony, plus burning stuff literally _never_ gets old.'

\-------

A short while later, the dragon, and what was left of Vaughn's dignity, had finally gone up in smoke.

Jack was pleased.

'Hey, y'know that was actually kinda fun. I was 100% sure it was gonna be totally lame but I'll admit, for just this one time that I was wrong. It wasn't ' _totally_ ' lame. Anyway, I'm gonna go take a leak and then get back home to celebrate properly - Rhys, you coming? I feel like maybe I should be a Necromancer or something...y'know, because I'm so good at _neck-romancing_ '

He sniggered to himself as he got to his feet and stretched, eyebrows tilted upwards in glee, as Rhys clapped his metal hand to his face in annoyance.

' _Oh my god, why_...yeah, yeah, I'll catch you up!'

Vaughn leaned in towards Rhys as Jack meandered off to the bathroom, grabbing a handful of snacks from the half-empty bowl on his way.

'This can... _never_...happen again, you hear me?' Vaughn hissed, his voice barely louder than a whisper, but loaded with poorly suppressed frustration.

Rhys nodded. 'I am _so_ , so sorry, bro. I thought he'd get bored after five minutes and leave, I didn't think he'd actually _enjoy_ it! We could just pretend this week's game was a one-off or something, start afresh next week?'

'No, I spent way too long getting you and the rest of the guys through the first part of the mines, I'm not going through that again! We need to make it... _canon_.'

Yvette spoke up, her voice a hushed whisper. 'We could use that Scroll of Timebending we found last month - make it so this encounter literally never happened? You'd need to roll high to make it work but it's our best chance of undoing everything.'

Rhys beamed. 'Yeah, we could go back to just before we met the...uh... _Handsome Sorcerer_ and like, I don't know, go in the opposite direction or something. That way everything we did up to meeting him still happened but the rest was like, just a dream or something.'

'Good idea!' said Vaughn. 'Cast and roll quickly before Jack gets back and sees anything'

Rhys cast a furtive glance around to make sure that Jack was still out of sight, tossed the dice in his palm for a second for luck, then threw it onto the table, watching hopefully as it finally rolled to a stop, his eyes wide and hopeful that its many sides would roll in just the right way to fix everything.

 

Alas, it settled on a _one_.

 

'I'm sorry Vaughn, but this _did_ happen.'

'I hate you so much right now.'

 

\------

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

**Author's Note:**

> Literally all I know about D&D and by extension, Bunkers and Badasses, comes from playing the Tiny Tina DLC and watching Critical Role, so forgive me for probably mangling the entire concept something terrible. I couldn't work out whether guns were actually canon in B&B given the fantasy setting, but given that it's _Borderlands_ I just thought what the hell, and stuck 'em in anyway along with actual spells and stuff for shits and giggles. Rhys is horribly written, but ehhh, it's only a oneshot so whatever. :P
> 
> This is also technically my first fanfic, as brief as it is, so yay for that! I'm also working on a ridiculously massive 60k+ rhack fic that I've been writing for literally over a year now, and which should hopefully end up on here eventually (as soon as the middle part of the plot starts co-operating that is! ¬.¬) as well as at least three other AUs that are still in the planning stages!
> 
> Check out my rhack blog at Hartlynk.tumblr.com :p


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